11:50 AM | 
Posted by
Joe M. Owens
MOvember 2010 -- Final Update
13 years ago
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
Super Commercial Bowl Extravaganza Recap
The Most hyped-up and talked about event every year is the Super Bowl; more specifically, the commercials during the Super Bowl. I think more people actually tune in to see the ads than the game; especially in cases such as this where the two teams playing are about as exciting as watching the mold grow on that loaf of bread you should have thrown away two weeks ago.
This year was somewhat problematic for me. Not only was the game not entertaining, but by and large, the commercials weren't that good either. The highlights for me were the Magic Revolving fridge ad, the FedEx caveman spot, and the Nextel anti-theft commercial (The one where the guys were in the locker room comparing features and the guy on the left throws a fastball with his phone into the other guy's face from 3 feet away: priceless). According to USA Today, i was not alone in thinking this.
I decided another 2 things while watching the Super Commercial Bowl Extravaganza: 1) Football is God's gift to man in HD; 2) The Rolling Stones are Satan's gift to man in HD. You never truly appreciate the fact that the Stones are old enough to be your great grandparents until you see Mick Jagger in all his high definition glory.
The fortunate thing about regular-poor-man's TV is that the reality of age is blurred into submission. The Rolling Stones are best left to rocking out in your CD player and not on your brand new 97" high definition plasma-LCD-DLP-slice-of-heaven.
The other premonition this realization gave me was that, "If I can see the veins and wrinkles in the Mick's forehead, I’ll unfortunately be able to see all of the cellulite on Kirsty Alley's legs in all of their cottage-cheesy-glory." I then wept myself to sleep on the couch for the remainder of half time with visions of a high definition hell that is indescribable by Webster and all of the words in the English language dictionary.
This year was somewhat problematic for me. Not only was the game not entertaining, but by and large, the commercials weren't that good either. The highlights for me were the Magic Revolving fridge ad, the FedEx caveman spot, and the Nextel anti-theft commercial (The one where the guys were in the locker room comparing features and the guy on the left throws a fastball with his phone into the other guy's face from 3 feet away: priceless). According to USA Today, i was not alone in thinking this.
I decided another 2 things while watching the Super Commercial Bowl Extravaganza: 1) Football is God's gift to man in HD; 2) The Rolling Stones are Satan's gift to man in HD. You never truly appreciate the fact that the Stones are old enough to be your great grandparents until you see Mick Jagger in all his high definition glory.
The fortunate thing about regular-poor-man's TV is that the reality of age is blurred into submission. The Rolling Stones are best left to rocking out in your CD player and not on your brand new 97" high definition plasma-LCD-DLP-slice-of-heaven.
The other premonition this realization gave me was that, "If I can see the veins and wrinkles in the Mick's forehead, I’ll unfortunately be able to see all of the cellulite on Kirsty Alley's legs in all of their cottage-cheesy-glory." I then wept myself to sleep on the couch for the remainder of half time with visions of a high definition hell that is indescribable by Webster and all of the words in the English language dictionary.
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